The window I face during morning meditation has a streak of bird poo on it. High enough that when I am seated and focused, I don’t see it. When I get up, I do see it, but I choose not to. I literally look through the gook on the window at the beautiful autumn leaves, pretending the shmutz isn’t there.
I want to live with integrity, telling myself the truth, even when I don’t want to hear it. I want to have more and more clarity in my life, and be more tuned in to my intuition. This clarity that I seek means I have to be more and more honest with myself, not in a judgey, ‘you are such a failure and you just can’t see it” way, but a very objective presence that asks;
Are my actions, thoughts and beliefs aligned with my heart’s deepest yearning, my soul purpose?
This kind of reflection takes some sit still time. Just to be, and listen, pay attention to what pops up, and get curious about that too.
So, one afternoon, the light was shining so sweetly through my window, I stopped to admire it for a breath, and my eyes rested on the gook. Instead of my habit to avoid, distract and pretend otherwise, I focused on it. I stepped closer. I felt the shame rise up like a blocked drain. I felt my cheeks get a bit warm, definitely feeling the embarrassment that I let that gook stay on my window, not for a day or two or even a week. A year. Maybe even a bit more. I remember the fall leaves last autumn, when that bird swooped by, and back then I hoped that the rains would clear that right off, but rain doesn’t fall sideways here, so the gook stayed, and I convinced myself that it was ok. Normal. Expected, even. And that it didn’t matter and maybe even wasn’t a problem. In the scheme of things, it isn’t that big of a deal, but that isn’t the real problem— the problem is that shame, self-blame and judgement are the icky sticky low slime in the bottom of our souls that make transformation, truth and integrity really, really hard to come by. The gook wasn’t the problem, the shame I felt about it was the problem, and until I dealt with it, it wouldn’t clean itself.
If this is interesting to you, and you’d like to hear about the cleaning of the gook, and what deep, earthy love for ourselves looks like, AND do a mindful movement practice with me to boost your ability to let that schtuff go; any pattern, or behavior, or belief that causes the suffering of shame or judgement, and feel pretty easeful and peaceful in the process…see the video below.
Next maybe hop on over to my Patreon page, the site of all my current content. This Patreon video is free to everyone, and if you want access to other great stuff, try it for a week free, and see what you think! You can unsubscribe anytime, no information is kept, this is a safe place for us. Thanks for reading, happy Autumn cleaning!