Embracing Pain: A Journey to Self-Reflection

Slash of pain, blood at my fingertip, then drips on the cutting board as I quickly wrap my finger in a paper towel, all the while berating myself for stupidly cutting my finger while chopping carrots.

I paused the running narrative between my ears, thanks to years of mindful training, now I am getting a little quicker at noticing this brain train before it does too much damage. The calm voice arose: “I am not dumb, it is a brand new knife, and accidents happen.” I patiently wrapped my finger a bit tighter to calm the blood flow and held the throbbing finger in my other hand. Luckily, my husband was nearby and took over chopping while I watched him with my hand in the air.

This search for a scapegoat when something bad happens is human nature, but life happens, and then if ‘bad’ things pile up, I wonder why I can’t catch a break, have some peace, an easier life? What have I done to deserve this? I cry, fist shaking at the heavens.

I am trying to be a little tender with myself, and my desire to avoid any pain and suffering, but is it avoidable? Poet philosopher Rainier Maria Rilke writes about this yearning—-

“Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Rilke is right, I do want to evolve, to grow, to become the most aligned and clear version of myself I can be, and I know It really comes to my perspective, the way I choose to see the events of my life. If I can wonder kindly what this ‘bad’ event is teaching me, what the need is here, where I find this in my body, what ancient hurt is being called to the surface, if I can investigate with some objective curiosity, then I open to a new way of seeing life, as a path to freedom, as Rilke writes. A path to growth.

Self reflection is a powerful tool, but sometimes we need a bit of support to have the space to reflect. Sometimes our brains are tired and we just need to rest, and restore our sense of possibility, of hope.

Join us the first Sunday of each month for this free online offering I call Heartsong: Yoga Nidra for rest and re-alignment, 7PM PST. An hour to rest, to recover, to align body, mind and heart in one simple, ancient guided meditation that allows the conscious mind to rest, and the nervous system to reset. Turn off your camara, relax on the floor, couch or bed, and let my voice bring you to the resting brain waves of Dreamtime. My gift, to you, to us, to all.

You can find the zoom link at my patreon site— http://patreon.com/tlyoga2go